Why Raj is still single? :P

Scene 1:
One fine afternoon, when sun was at its greatest anger and half of the people in my hostel were still asleep after an early morning movie show* or Counter Strike session, without any lust for attendance/quiz marks. Some one banged on my door.

Raj: Mohit...Mohit..

Me: Yeah..am coming.....

Raj: Simran too gone. I found her with that spike haired guy.

Me: What's new with this? Everytime it happens with you. By the way, who told you to go to class. If you had missed the class, you would have missed that heart breakng scene too.

Raj: Arey no...I went to see my quiz marks.

Me: hmm....

Raj: We should do something, otherwise our college life will pass without girl.

Me: If you are so much after a girl, you should have better opted for History or some literature major.

Raj: Ok..I made the mistake.. See..we tried everything.. We talked in the way girls like, acted as they expect us to.. but nothing seems to work for us. So I have a better idea. This will act psycologically on girls.

Me: hmm...so what's your new crap??

Raj: See..the next time.. We gonna propose a girl.. We will first call her to some place far from their hostel, lets say Ice n spice. Now, as usual the girl will ask for some time to answer. (yeah..Its rude to refuse the boy instantaneously..Girls you know are caring) Now, we will have our guys on the way from Ice n Spice to her hostel. Our guys will talk about us like " Raj is a nice guy"; "he debates so well"; "He plays violin and his badminton is awsome". Listening to this, the girl can't refuse our proposal. You see, our plan will work..

Me: hmm..nice..Let me sleep now...

Raj: No.. I am going to propose Simran today..

Me: What!!! Today!!

Raj: Call Panda, Rancho, Gunny, Maddox. We will chalk out a plan at evening.

Me: Hmm..ok

At evening, we planned every minute details, right from colour of Raj's shirt to Panda's capri. 

Scene 2:
Next day, Raj proposed the girl at historic Ice n Spice which must have witnessed 100-200 proposes and subsequent rejections. Banana Shake has been the loyal friend of rejected lovers.

At 7 pm, Raj ordered 2 banana shakes.

Raj: Since a few days, i am feeling high waves of emotion about you. Er..Er....I feel very happy in your company...I can't save myself from your eyes..they are so attractive..I feel I am in love..

After the first word of Raj, the girl became conscious of banana shake.

Girl: yeah..So who is the lucky girl?

As if Raj was instructing a word problem to her.

Raj(looking to the other side): That's you...

5 minutes lull...Girl took some time to finish the shake.

Girl: I need some time...

Raj was prepared for this sentance.

On her way back to her hostel, she was bound to meet our scripted characters. The way to the girls hostel passes through Nescafe, Hostel CH1, C mess..

Scene 3:
Place: Outside Nescafe
Description: Panda standing with Rancho.

Rancho: Panda, get ready.. She is coming... You remember your dialogue right..

Panda: Yeah.. I am prepared..

Panda (to himself): Jai Maharashtra.. you get one chance..one opportunity..to sieze everything.....................

Rancho: 1.......2...........3..go go go.......

Panda: Rancho, you know..Raj is very saintly.....He watches only soft ones....today only downloaded from my share......

Rancho: Shut up..you are not supposed to say these..

Panda: Its ok..Its common...but then too he avoids....great lad, Raj..

The girl gave a look, which made Panda feel that he had done his job...

Panda: We were great. Weren't we??

Rancho:Ghanta………God and Simran only know.

Scene 4:
Gunny and Maddox standing outside C-mess.

Gunny: Maddox..Start..All the best..

Maddox: Gunny, u know...what Raj did, when he went to play violin at his school??

Gunny: No..What he did?

Maddox: He forgot to bring the bow..(btw bow is used to play violin..you remeber..stick like thing)

Gunny (in a low voice): Abe saste kyun maar raha hain...

Maddox: It was to acknowledge her that he plays violin..(in a loud tone)..He goes to every class..sometimes without brushing too..such a wonderful boy...


If Raj has 0.01% probablity  of "yes", after so much of praise..he lost that too..
Raj is still single and working on a new plan for a new target. ;)


*early morning show means watching NORMAL movies at 4 am. Please give your dirty minds some rest.

Hiiiii

In vacation, like everyone, Raj was also busy with Facebook. But misfortunes followed him there also. There is a separate section on facebook home page called "people you may know", many of his friends have sent friend requests to girls of their campus, and many of them accepted too, so facebook was suggesting them to him as friend. One day,one of his friends Suraj said in very depressive manner ,"ladkiyan facebook pe to acche se chat karti thi, yahan pehchane se bhi inkaar kar rahi hai."

There is a girl, Simran , facebook was suggesting her as his friend. He doesn’t want to add anyone who doesn’t know him (of course, the guys know every girl). So, first day, as USUAL, he took a look on her profile and logged off. Second day, again she was suggested as friend, it took his mental power equivalent to attending morning 8 class for stopping himself from adding her as friend. Third day, again her name was there, he thought, "ok…enough is enough." And he sent her invitation. Next day only, she accepted it.

Some days later, she was online, though his heart was willing to chat but he controlled himself thinking "sab moh maya hai." After two minute or so, she said,"hiiiii". He was on cloud 9 and he replied "hello."

Here is the part of conversation:

Raj: how is vacation going?

Simran: pretty f9 but slightly boring…whole day u stay at home, I miss nescafe and ice n spice.

Raj: yeah, true…I feel d same .

(he was enjoying his vacation to the fullest, two times a day cricket, bike, old friends, what can be better than that? And juice walla in his neighborhood is better than ice n spice, economical and tasty…but supporting a girl is more important ;)

Raj : what is ur cg?

Simran : I screwed my endsem... mere 8.5

( Oh my God, screwed endsem and then 8.5, he wish he were like her screwing quizzes, midsem, endsem. He slapped himself for such a stupid question, after all jinke ghar sishe k hote hai, wo dusro pe pathar nai feka karte. Guys, he has below average CG)

Simran : urs??

Raj : hey, who is coming for Anwesha this time?

(change the topic..best idea :)

Simran : you remember, last Anwesha??

Raj :How can I forget!! That was our first Anwesha.... .I was busy in MUN. (MUN stands for Model United Nation)

Simran : when did you work in MUN??? I thought u were with me the whole time...

(Then, he understood the meaning of 5 "i" in her hiiiii.. She misunderstood him for someone else. Then, he thought to continue the play but something {details in next post} stopped me from doing so. )

Raj: I am not the one, you are looking for.

Simran : hey, you are not Raj from Ashoka Hall????

Simran: no, it was my pleasure to talk with you.

She logged off and never talked with him again. Now after vacation, she never makes eye contact with him. Anyways, whatever be the reason, he thinks, she recognizes him now…..

What is meant by 143 ?

Do you know what Sachin Tendulkar loves the most??? Think..Think.. Let me tell you. Sachin counts his centuries again and again and relishes every century. He tells his wife,” Anjali, you remember, the final of Asia cup, I smashed six off Shoiab Akhtar to make 100”. Anjali replies,” Of course darling. And that in Australia, 3 sixes on Shane Warne. How can I forget them!!”

You people will be thinking why suddenly Sachin Tendulkar. Its because in school I found a unique property of girls. Though girls are very much offensive on anyone who proposes them but they love to count the number of proposes, similar to Sachin’s habit of counting centuries. I have got some secret information from girl’s side that there is sense of competition between them over their toll. “are payal, tujhe is month sirf 3 ne propose kiya, mujhe to 6 ne…” And now payal will get ready to give her friend hard fight next month by using “fair and lovely”.

In the school days, Raj was caught in this count fight. That time, we were unaware of this count race. He liked one girl and wished to tell her his feeling. He needed a medium for that and who else is better than her best friend. He talked to Shruti (her best friend) and told her whole matter except that he like her best friend (if you tell so, she is no longer intrested in you and you will lose a communicating medium). In some days, Shruti became a good friend of him. Raj and Shruti started messaging. Meanwhile he went to Jamshedpur to attend his maternal uncle’s marriage. But one day, he was trapped. Here is a part of message conversation:

Raj: hi..wassup..wht r u doing?

Shruti: nothng….just playing wid my cousins…

Raj: lovely.. I wish I were at home.. I luv kids…

(to win her friend..first you have to win her..thats why so much of nonsense)

Shruti: dey r askin me weird ques… I m sick of dere ques..

Raj: lyk???

Shruti: Dey just asked me,” what is meant by 143?”

Raj: I luv u

( His mom called him so, he had to go)

Raj: bye

( No reply, he was slightly taken aback, but then he didn’t put much of his mind in it)

Thereafter due to his uncle’ marriage  and after that our exams, they didn’t talk or message. After 10 days , he met the girl(Simran) whom he loved. With slight hesistation, he said I love you.

Simran’s reply: you cheater, fraud…. Kutte, kaminey…I know you..whenever you find any good looking girl, you propose her… “ I love you” ..so simple words for you..

Raj: but what I did…???????????

Simran: just 10 days back, you proposed Shruti and now me..

Raj: but..but.. I never proposed her…

Simran: Thank God, you proposed Shruti and I have evidence for that..I have Shruti’s mobile with me…..

( She opened her mobile, and showed him the message displaying “I luv u” which he sent Shruti in reply to her cousin’s question)

After listening so much gali, he was very upset. Later, we were informed that Shruti was falling short of one proposal to her friend, so she used his message as equaliser… So next time, you are messaging any girl, BEWARE

Why cant girls say direct NO

So, finally Raj has decided, he will go for arrange marriage. Guys, arrange marriage has its own advantage, like you will be the apple of your parent's eye, you will listen something like," you know sharma jee, his son married a punjabi without informing them, God knows what we did in last birth that we got our son, otherwise its going increasingly difficult to find son like ours." And you are like,"sala, kismat hi kharab hai, punjabi kya, madrasi bhi nai mili." Its not because he didn't like anyone but because he like everyone and he was tired of being rejected. With the last two rejections by two sweet girls in last two week, his toll goes to 11 in his love carrier. God has been so kind on him, he used Lafarge cement to build his heart otherwise I have seen many guys insane with just one rejection. Now, he is used to it and he would like to share his experiences so that you people should know what not to be done. Here Raj goes…………..


In class 8:
Our class was in first floor and to drink water, we used to go to ground floor. This was the first time; I was going to propose someone. So, naturally, I was bit nervous. But I was determined to do so on that day. "That day" because that day was Tuesday, day of hanuman ji, and if I fail that day, I had to wait another week. I decided to catch her in lunch on stairs and tell my feelings. As soon as bell rang for lunch, I went to stair and started to wait for her. I waited for whole 30 minutes and even I missed my noodles.(my mother gave me noodles that day). After 30 minutes, bell rang and I went back to class and enquired about her. My spies in girls told me that she was not feeling well and has decided to skip the lunch.

My plan changed. She used to go by foot and that too alone. So, I decided to check my luck then. As final bell rang, I hurriedly went to gate and looked for her. But to my surprise, she came but accompanied with her father. For a minute, I imagined myself in front of her father, her father with a gun, and I begging for my life.

I waited for next Tuesday. I had a different plan for that day. I decided to say her as soon as I found her alone. At last, I got the right time.

me: hi..Simran....


Simran: hi.. have you completed maths homework??


here I was preparing for my life and these geek girls always think about the studies. Though I hadn't completed yet but I had to make impression.


me: yes..I can help you.


Simran: thanks...yaar


me: Simran..I was thinking...........


Simran: you know, my sister bought me this ring..


(Showing a golden ring in her finger)
girls can never change...the same jewellery.....same sister....I was sick of them for last 1 years.


me: really nice..


Simran: kal meri mumbai wali mausi aa rahi hai..


you have to listen these, if you want to see your future with her, no matter how much you dislike.


me: cool…..Simran……I was thinking that I love you.


Suddenly her look changed from, mother Teresa to phoolan devi, I swear if she had gun, I must be in heaven enjoying apsaras.


Simran: I know you guys well.. you all are same. Why I trusted you?? Why??


She started sobbing.(killer weapon of girls-tears)


me: I mean.......I really like you..I am not teasing or doing it for fun...I love you most in this world after your parents..


she ran away and in next morning assembly, I got my answer. Her elder sister who was 2 years senior to us called me .


Her sister gave me a short speech on “girls and their future” and her speech includes questions like “ What do you understand girls? Are they for fun only?”. After speech I thought why cant girls say direct no. And then I decided to never let my heart fall again but it fell again. Details in next post…

LOVE aur DHOKHA

Hi friends,

As you see the title, its about LOVE & DHOKHA and the word _ _ _ is missing from it. Just a few minutes earlier I was watching a love story on TV which recalled me of an old friend of my school Raj. He loved a girl named Simran.

(though the names are not their real names as I can’t tell their real names but these names will easily figure a love story in your mind.)

My dear friend has always tried to impress her, whether with his new perfume or with his silly jokes. She soon became very friendly with him. They started spending time in the canteen, library ( favourite place for IITian couples ) and soon dating in restaurants. Like all the boys he too became an ATM machine for her. He was feeling like king for having a girlfriend ( as we don’t have any ). We started calling her bhabhi amongst us. This continued for an year and after that they both took admission in different colleges. But the remained in contact with each other through daily calls and texts.

“Have you proposed her?” I asked.

“No, not yet” he replied. “What’s the need to propose? I know she loves me and she knows I love her, and we both understand each other feelings.”

( hahaha boys always think more )

I suggested him to propose her by giving logics like , you should have a cash memo to claim for warranty ( though that sounds silly but JAGO GRAHAK JAGO ).

Taking my advice he decided to propose her. He called her and after half an hour conversation ( for checking her mood ) he proposed her. Here are few lines of the conversation:-

Raj : Hey!!! Hum dono roz kyun baat karte hai ???

Simran : hmmm………call toh tum roz karte ho , tumhi batao ? ( What an answer, girls always have an intelligent answer )

Raj : Mai tumhe roz call kyun karta hu ???? ( so desperate to hear I Love You )

Simran : hmmm……tumhe mujhse baat karma acha lagta hoga……..

Raj : Wahi toh!!!!!! Mujhe tumse baat karma kyun acha lagta hai ????? ( the no. of question marks is increasing)

Simran : hmmm……..mughe kya pata……. ( Ohh so innocent)

Raj : Because I Love You , dear……..

Simran : seriously??

Raj : Agar mera bas chalta toh mai tumhe apni chhati phar ke dikha deta….. ( typical filmy dialogue )

Simran : Raj tumhe mai kuch batana chahati hu…..

Raj : Kya??????

Simran : Tumse pehle mujhe Nilesh, Aakash, Akshay, Piyush, Mohit ( though I never proposed ), Mayank, Vikas…………….(and the list goes ) ne bhi mujhe propose kiya tha , par maine mana kar diya.

( matlab jab mai pehle kisi ki nahi hui toh ab kya hongi )

Raj : Mujhe usse koi matlab nhi………..mai toh tumse pyar karta hu………

( haan matlab kyun hoga sirf propose hi to kiya hai )

Simran : But mai kisi aur ke sath commited hu………his name is Mohit ( this time its not me, bad luck :(   )…………woh mere college me padhta hai…………

Raj : Kyaaaaa????? Tumne pehle kabhi nhi bataya………..

Simran : Tumne bhi toh kabhi nhi pucha…….I am very sorry for you Raj…..you are a nice friend…….tumne pehle kabhi apni feelings mujhe nhi bataye…….agar batate toh……but ab toh bahut der ho chuki hai…………

( matlab its like first come first serve basis )

I hope hum abb hi as a friend reh sakte hai……..

( Satyanash ho in hindi movies ka…….dialogue pe dialogue )

Raj : Haan Sure…….all the best…Bye!!!

Simran : Byeeeee!!!!! Dear….

( Ohh ye “dear” word )

She told that she didn’t know that he loved him as he never told. Yeah, she was right. How could she know that that the boy who bring gifts for every week, who pays her all restaurant bills, who slapped his friend for commenting on her, who always refills her cycle tyre in the nearby cycle shop, who was not interested in any other girl ( she knew that ) loved her.

( Through all this it seems that he was trying to impress her, but its because he loved her……. )